Breakups suck. No way around it. They. Just. Plain. Suck. So, now that we have that covered, what next? Here’s a no bullsh*t, stepping-stone guide to help you not only survive your breakup, but allow you to thrive during and after the real sucky part ends.
Step 1: Feel those feelings
Breakups cause a plethora of feelings. Sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, more sadness followed by more anger, and this is okay. These feelings are your mind’s way of processing what is happening in your present moment, while preparing itself for a different future. Allow yourself to feel those feelings, but keep them in check. When the sadness hits, remind yourself that the sadness won’t last forever. When the anger hits, remind yourself that you really don’t want to do anything you’d later regret (if this sounds like it’s coming from experience…it is…I’m sure one of my exes would gladly confirm this). Just remember, what you are feeling is okay to feel.
Ask yourself, “Have I been through a breakup before”. If yes, tell yourself “Yep and I can get through another one”. If no, tell yourself “Well, this sucks but cheers to this being a learning experience. Here we go”.
Step 2: The 2-Week Rule
The first two weeks following a breakup tend to be the worst. Emotions are high and unpredictable, and your daily routine is altered. You run into a friend who says “So, what’s new with you?” and you instantly want to say “Well, (insert name) and I broke up so I feel like sh*t, and I want to cry at this very moment”. It’s now only 11am and you already feel like throwing in the today’s towel. Best part about these suck-filled two weeks, they last the same amount of days, hours, and minutes as any other two weeks. Let’s say you are 25 years-old, which means you have already gone through 650 two-week periods, one more should be a breeze.
Keep reminding yourself that you just need to focus on getting through the first 2 weeks. You will tackle the next challenge later.
Step 3: Journal. Write your @$$ off!!
Trust me, I’ve had plenty of moments when someone said to me, “stay positive”, and I wanted to slap the positivity right off their lips before they even finished their sentence (but don’t do that). In all honesty, it is good advice. No, you don’t need to repeat “I’m happy, I’m happy, I’m happy” all day long, because let’s face it, right now you don’t feel happy. But simple reminders of what makes you happy will help your mindset to shift its focus away from the big bad breakup. Write. Keep a journal with you at all times. Start each day by writing down something that makes you happy. Something simple like “This first sip of coffee makes me happy” works just fine. Then end each day by writing one more thing that makes you happy. And during the day, when you feel those emotions mentioned in Step 1, write them down in your journal.
Not only can journaling help speed up the healing process, but it can be amazing to look back and have written proof of the progress that you have made.
Step 4 (ready for this??): DELETE your now ex from ALL social media
Who wants to see their ex in a picture smiling with all of their friends? No one! You want to picture them curled up in the fetal position in a dark room, distraught and crying by themselves. Well, odds are they aren’t doing that. They are probably trying to get through the breakup in a way they think works for them. And sometimes this means…dun dun dun…a rebound. Rebounds are great in basketball, but horrible during breakups. Trust me; you don’t need to see your ex with his or her arm around someone who is not you. No one needs to see that crap! It’s like having a broken ankle and choosing to skip on that exact broken ankle; why the hell would you do that?! So don’t subject yourself to that. Save yourself and just delete!
Don’t let social media hinder your healing. Delete the ex. I really mean it; delete your ex from ALL social media platforms. Maybe even block their number…just a thought.
Step 5: Remember Who You Are
You are not the girl or guy of “so and so’”. You are you. Perfectly imperfect. Beautifully flawed. And still learning how to navigate this gorgeous, but often confusing world. Allow yourself to find ways to be reminded of who you truly are. What did you love doing before you were in a relationship? What have you given up that you wish you hadn’t? Focus on what and who makes you happy. Spend time with friends. Reach out to family. Make new friends who become family. Whatever you do, focus on digging deep to help you remember who you are. You are not defined by your past relationships. You are not defined by the words of another human. You are defined by what exists in your soul. And only you have access to that. Harness that power and fuel your soul by accepting and embracing the suck that comes with breaking up. On the other side of the suck is a new found strength; a bravery that leaves you forever changed. You’ve got this! I believe in you!
The same beautiful you, but stronger. Now that is something worth fighting for!
Much Love & Cheers!
Looking for more personalized advice? Want to dive deeper into these steps and more? Have a story you’d like to share? I’d love to hear from you!
Contact Ashley Elise at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the Contact page on shesjustagirl.com