I must confess….I can be so damn judgmental. My facial expressions are often dead giveaways that I am perplexed by the choices of others. Some people have what is now known as RBF (resting b*tch face), but me, I have have OJE (obviously judging eyes). I often catch myself doing this, and I mentally have to slap myself out of it. Besides this obvious area for improvement, why am I calling myself out? We often find it so easy to judge the choices of others, yet we throw an all out fit when we ourselves feel judged by others. That last statement is when few readers will think (and I picture you doing this with a whip of a your head and a snap of your fingers even though you probably are doing no such thing), “I don’t care what others think of me!!”. Well, tell me how you do it. Share your secrets with me. In the meantime, the rest of us will continue reading.
I remember in middle school we used to have these “honesty circles”, where we would literally sit crossed leg in a circle and each person would have a turn saying something that was bothering them about another person in the circle. You weren’t allowed to interrupt, and you were told that there would be no hard feelings. For those of you who have ever been a teenage girl or those of who have helped raise one, you know one thing is for sure….that is pure bullshit! Straight up, who the hell do you think you’re fooling bullshit. Although I cannot remember exactly what was said during these circles I would bet a year’s salary that someone got pissed, someone cried, and someone began their lifelong plot for revenge.
Although probably a horrible idea at that level of maturity and raging hormones, the idea of being able to be honest without fear of judgement is something we often long for as adults. We find ourselves sugar coating our words, while letting our thoughts spew dragon fire. But, first things first. Honesty has to start within ourselves. It is not possible to be truly honest with another when you are not honest with yourself. Mostly because if you’re not honest with yourself, how would you know how you are truly feeling about another person? We often push our fears and insecurities onto others and seek out their flaws in order to justify our doing so. This is such a hard thing to do, and we often don’t even know where to start.
I have spent years focusing on self-reflection, and a consistent theme I have encountered is that it is a lifelong process. There may be a beginning, but there is no ending. All there is is a feeling of peace. A long awaited peace that your soul has craved. And since I am aware that I still find myself judging others, I am also aware that I still have a ways to go on my journey of inward reflection. So as I continue on my journey, I invite you to join. Find a few moments to yourself and try being brutally honest when answering these next few questions. Be brutally honest not because I am telling you to do so, but because you deserve honesty. You’re not doing these to please anyone. No one is going to read your answers and judge you for them. This is your own honesty circle. Embrace it. And also remember that you are worth it. Always have been. Always will be.
My Honesty Circle (and not the bullshit kind)
- What are the first three things I focus on when I meet a new person?
- Initially, do I feel more comfortable around people of the same sex or the opposite sex? Why do I think that is?
- What is the last negative thing I heard that someone said about me? Why do I feel that they would have said that?
- When is the last time that I judged someone? Could it have been due to my own fear or insecurity?
- How quick am I to give advice to others? How easily do I accept advice from others?
Remember, this is for you. Your answers are not meant to satisfy anyone, not even yourself. They are meant for the honest exploration of your most inner feelings. Feelings that have been shoved under a thousand rugs.
If you’d like to explore more into the meaning of these questions and your answers to them, I would love to explore them with you! Like I said before, this is a journey. Our journey.
Much love fellow soul searchers! xoxo
3 thoughts on “Mirror, Mirror, lie to me”
I vaguely remember the honesty circles was this part of that peer mediation stuff we did?!
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It may have been! Oh the joys of peer mediation!
I only judge you when I haven’t heard your voice in awhile…
Honestly, I love that you wrote this. I’m all about self reflection. Fix yourself before we try to fix others!