“My body felt like it wasn’t mine anymore”

The story you are about to read may be difficult for some. Honestly, I hope it is difficult for everyone to read. Within this brave young woman’s story lies a fear that so many of us live with each and every day. Sometimes it is subconscious. Other times it is painfully obvious. This woman chose to share her story with us to not only aide in her own healing, but to let others know that they are not alone, and that there is hope. Feel free to leave a comment to show her how much she is loved. You may not know her name, but you now know a part of her story. 

To the author of this story…I love you and am proud of you. Always & forever.

-Ashley Elise

“As I write this it is hard to express the emotions I am feeling by telling my story, as I have not shared it with many. But here it goes…

When I was 23 years old I was living with some of my best friends. They were more like a big brother and sister to me, and I loved their three kids. I took care of the kids while also working a second job. I loved my life, because I had amazing friends and loved my job. During this time I met a guy who lived about an hour away. The distant made seeing each other was hard, but we made it work. I traveled to see him, and I found it to be a nice get away. The drive was beautiful, and I liked driving knowing that I was going to see him. I also became friends with his sister. One night while driving home I stopped at a gas station to get gas and also a drink because it was getting late and I was exhausted from work and the drive. The gas station was closing, and when I walked out the lights had been turned off outside. Before I forget to mention, I wasn’t the only one at the gas station. I briefly noticed another car with two men around my age or maybe older, but I didn’t pay much attention to them. Also I’d like to add I have had my car for six years, and I wasn’t always easy on it so things started falling apart. This is important to my story, because as I pulled out from the gas station I had to pull over to the side of the road because of a noise that sounded like something rubbing against my tire.

As I got out and was bending down to look at my tire I got hit in the head, I then turned around and was hit in the face and dropped to the ground. I remember getting hit again and kicked in the side. I then remember lying there in pain and feeling numb as I was then attacked by those two men I seen at the gas station. No one was there I couldn’t scream or even come to reality what was going on. No one drove by, no one came by and the moments that seemed like a lifetime were finally over. I don’t remember getting up, and I don’t remember driving back home. I do remember waking up and being in so much pain and wondering how I got home safe. I walked upstairs since my room was down in the basement and as I walked into the bathroom I saw that my eye was swollen and bruised. I then noticed that my sides were also covered in bruises.

I was trying to be quiet while upstairs, because I didn’t want to my friends or the kids to wake up. As I walked out my friend looked at me and noticed that I was hiding my face. She asked if I was ok, and without looking up at her I said, “yeah I’m fine”. She then followed me down to my room and asked me again. I said everything is ok, and then she pulled my head up, saw my swollen face and gasped. She immediately began crying and asking me what happened. I told her what I remembered and showed her my other injuries.  She then ran upstairs to get her husband who used to be in law enforcement. She grabbed some ice for my face, and he then came down and asked what details I could remember. He asked if I remembered what the two men looked like, but I told him I couldn’t remember their faces since they had taken my by surprise and repeatedly hit me. I tried to lie down and relax, while trying to come to terms with what had just happened to me. I could not comprehend what I had done to deserve this.

I chose not to report the incident to the police, as I didn’t have much information to give them as to the description of the men, my debit card and my iPod. So I then had to deal with all that along with trying to not let it all get to me. I decided to go for a drive, because I knew it was the one thing that always calmed me down and helped me cope with many things.

As time went by I had to tell my family and only a few friends because after that day I wasn’t the same. I felt numb and not wanted on the inside. I felt like no one would understand me or how I felt. My life wasn’t the same, and I couldn’t show that to anyone because I don’t like the attention, and I don’t like talking about it. I held so much in, because I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to do anything. For months I was stuck in a deep depression and struggled with PTSD because of the incident. I would wake up from having nightmares and panic attacks in my sleep because I was in constant fear. I would have anxiety attacks about going to the store alone at night or doing anything alone, and I did not know what to do or how to cope. My body felt like it wasn’t mine anymore, and it was so hard for me because on the inside I was hurt and slowly giving up but on the outside I showed everyone that I’m fine and happy and strong. I acted like I had no worries, but little did everyone know I was hurting. I was in a dark place and really didn’t care about what I did. I went through a lot of heartache, but I pushed through it all and finally realized that I had so much to live for.

Time has passed, and now I’m in my late 20’s. I still suffer from a depression and anxiety, but I get through it because I know I have a lot to look forward to and a beautiful little family that needs me. I would just like women to know that this isn’t the only hardship I have had in my life, but it’s the one I am willing to share and that life goes on. Don’t ever let the ignorance of other humans keep you from being your best. You are not alone. I’m very thankful that l I had a few people who were there for me and helped me through one of the darkest times of my life. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be where I am now.”

-Anonymous