The Singleness of It All

stylish-facebook-cover-photoIf you simply type “Being Single Meme” in Google Image search you will have a visual representation of what I am about to talk about. But hang tight, don’t quit on me yet. Why do we joke so much about being single? It’s like being the kid who trips in the lunch room and ends up with some mush labeled as lasagna all over your shirt….embarrassing af…so you joke about it. You figure that if you are first to start cracking jokes about yourself, it won’t be as fun for others to do it behind your back. Is being single also embarrassing af? (sorry in advance for my continued use of “af”…if you don’t know what it means, be a doll and Google it for me when your boss is standing right behind you).

But anyways, being single…why is it considered something we need to justify or explain? Since when do we need to prove anything to anyone? Oh wait, since f*cking forever! Since something happened in our cultural (and many others) that decided that your worth is defined by the decision of another human being to “pick” you over everyone else. It is that “millions of fish in the sea and you chose me” mindset. And unless you live under a rock, or in a polygamous society perhaps, you have most certainly seen the aftermath of infidelity. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published data showing that out of a population of 1,000 the marriage rate is 6.9….and the divorce rate….3.2. I’m not sure how comfortable you are with what are pretty much 50/50 odds, but flipping a coin and calling “heads” or “tails” might be a fairly accurate way to predict whether or not someone will get divorced.

Now, for all you love birds out there, calm down…I think that marriage between two people who love and respect each other, as well as work as a team is truly an amazing thing. My point is that in attempt to avoid the societal judgment of being single, I have often seen people take the leap of marriage far before they are ready. And sometimes to the totally wrong person. I mean, everyone dying in the end of Avengers: Infinity War type of wrong. Oops, spoiler alert. Sorry. Almost everyone is single at some point in their adult lives, but not all of us are truly alive during those times. Instead of loving ourselves, our family, our friends, and the simple fact that we are alive, we become fixated on what we do not have…a significant other. We stop truly living, because we see this as merely a transitional period between one lover and another. And this is where we miss out on what is honestly the most empowering, courageous, and defining aspect of our lives; self love. Without it we are zombies who snap selfies behind filters and put #happy, but then cry in the shower so no one can hear. Whether or not you are single af or dating af or married af…those are not labels that define you. Self love defines you. And until it is felt in every inch of your flesh, I suggest not flipping any coins anytime soon.

Much Love, xoxo

Ashley Elise

One thought on “The Singleness of It All

  1. Love this! My least favorite question on so many applications is Single, Married, or Divorced. They call it civil status. How would my civil status define my skills for a new job, my care at the doctor’s office, or my ability to pay back a loan? I have experienced all 3 civil statuses and forever will be labeled and checking the box divorced. Yes I was married and unfortunately it failed but I am stronger because of it. I vote for a 4th civil status….independent.

    Liked by 1 person

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